Ongoing Irony
by Monica Moss
Summary: Irony hurts, as Phantom knows and as the ghost hunters of Amity Park and Elmerton are about to find out the hard way. AU.  Phantom was never the Fentons' son.


The Fentons considered the man's offer. He could make them better ghost hunters and give them a secret weapon that could keep Amity Park free for ghosts forever. Jack was about to agree, but Maddie elbowed him the moment he opened his mouth.

"Jack, he's saying he can do this for free," Maddie said. "There's got to be a catch!"

Danny Phantom flew toward them. "You are so right about the catch!" he called to Maddie. "Trust me, that's one deal you don't want to make!"

The Fentons looked up, and immediately pulled out ghost weapons. Jack sent the Jack-o-Nine-Tails flying, only to get it tangled in a tree. Maddie sent Danny dodging blasts from her laser lipstick.

"You see," the salesman told the Fentons. "Some of these more powerful ghosts require larger measures to eradicate."

"Whatever it is," said Jack, "We'll take it!"

Phantom appeared startled by that. "What? No! You can't!" He floated to the side to evade Maddie's lipstick. "You should know what you're getting into! I'm not so sure it's worth it…" Phantom cut off as he finally got grazed by one of Maddie's shots, and grasped his side in pain.

Maddie tried to fire another shot, but the laser ran out of juice. Phantom let out a small sigh of relief, only to moan as he noticed Jack signing the contract.

"Here!" Jack exclaimed. "Mads – your turn!"

"I'd never do this if it weren't for evil deceiving demonic ghosts like Phantom, but…" Maddie said as she reached for the pen. Phantom flew at her and knocked her over before she could sign.

"I'm sorry," Phantom apologized, climbing off of Maddie, "but I can't let you do that!"

"Because _you_ don't want to be eradicated!" Maddie snapped. She grabbed the pen again and signed.

"No!" Phantom cried. "How could you? I made the same mistake!"

Jack looked at Phantom. "What is he blathering about?"

Phantom looked sad. "All I wanted was to protect my home from ghosts, but I was tricked into signing my own death certificate and giving that ghostly conman more power," he whispered. Phantom quickly got a hold of himself and flew at the salesman, who was no longer a salesman but a huge green cytoplasmic blob.

"Maddie," Jack whispered. "Did we just make a deal with a ghost?"

Meanwhile, Phantom and the blob were fighting. Phantom, happening to see the Fentons still standing there, yelled, "Run! I'll deal with him! I owe him a whole lot of grief."

"Maddie, whichever ghost wins is going to destroy the town!" Jack said.

Maddie nodded. "Yes, but should we take whatever it was that he," she pointed to the blob, "was offering? It may have been some sort of trick, but there's also the possibility it will give us an edge against ghosts somehow."

Phantom was thrown to the ground hard, and couldn't get up. "I think I hurt my leg pretty badly," he groaned.

The salesman ghost flew to the Fentons and took the contract. "This can never be canceled," he informed them. "It's permanent! And now, it's time for me to fulfill my part of the bargain!"

The ghost sent two green electrical balls that were roughly the size of an oven at the Fentons. Jack and Maddie both screamed in pain as they got trapped inside the spheres and their molecules started to rearrange….

"NO!" Phantom screamed. Tears welled up in his eyes. "No. Not again. How many more ghost hunters will meet this fate?"

The spheres faded away, letting Maddie and Jack down on the ground. The two of them noticed right away what had happened to them. "We're ghosts!" Maddie cried in despair.

They were ghosts, and they looked a lot like Phantom. "That dirty rotten…" Jack growled.

"Jack," said Maddie, "maybe we'd better find out how to undo this."

"Okay. How?"

"I hate to say it," said Maddie, "But maybe we should talk to Phantom." They floated over to the ghost boy, who was trying to get up despite his injured leg.

"I told you not to do it," Phantom said.

Jack, completely serious for once, asked, "Ghost boy, how do we get out of this?"

Phantom groaned. "I think it's permanent," he said. "I mean, we're … _ghosts_ ..." he said the last word with so much contempt it was almost more of spitting it than speaking it, "now and ghosts are dead."

Maddie hated to admit it, but Phantom was telling the truth.

"But if you do find a way out," he continued, "would you let me know? I don't want to be a ghost either. I was a ghost hunter too, before that stupid ghostly salesman tricked me into signing a contract. I hate ghosts."

Over in Elmerton, Valerie Gray was talking with a salesman who claimed he could sell her something that would make her a better ghost hunter and give her the power to eradicate ghosts forever."

"Including that punk ghost kid?" she asked.

The salesman grinned. "So you're seeing the possibilities. Yes, you're already a good enough hunter that this weapon I'm offering will give you the ability to send Danny Phantom and all ghosts like him to oblivion."

"How much?" she asked.

"It's completely free!" the man assured her. "Just sign here."

Valerie grabbed the pen he offered. "I can't sign fast enough," she complained, scrawling her name on the line. "I wish I had this weapon months ago, but finally those ghosts are going down!"

The salesman studied the signed contract with satisfaction. "And now," he said. "For my part of the bargain…."


End file.
